Someone shit on the floor
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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