So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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