Who did Billy Mays play for?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
