sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
