i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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