i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
