Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
