Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
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But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
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I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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