Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory