is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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