Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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