I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."