I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform