that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?