It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
