I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
