she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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