I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have fence marks all over my body
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
