He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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