By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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