I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
