Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
