Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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