He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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