No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize