My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
