her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
