Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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