You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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