it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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