it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
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Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
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I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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