Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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