I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
