My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
