Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
