No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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