I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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