He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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