I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
