The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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