When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
