You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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