hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
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