You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
