my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
im holly from the hills drunk
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
