At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
