I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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