Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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