i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
