the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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