No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
