im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The power of my boobs compel you
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
