Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Randomize
