I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
