I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize