remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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