OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
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I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
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If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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