Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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