i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
