I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
