Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
