I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
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Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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