i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
