this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
