Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
