I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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