i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
